Genre: humor

Rockstar tour Review: Hearts and Other Body Parts

Posted March 31, 2017 by Emily in Blog Tour, Giveaway, Review / 0 Comments

Rockstar tour Review: Hearts and Other Body Parts

Rockstar tour Review: Hearts and Other Body PartsHearts & Other Body Parts by Ira Bloom
Published by Scholastic Press on March 28th 2017
Genres: humor, paranormal, Young Adult
Pages: 352
Format: hardcover
Source: the publisher
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four-stars

A novel of love and monsters.
Sisters Esme, Katy, and Ronnie are smart, talented, and gorgeous, and better yet . . . all three are witches. They have high school wired until the arrival of two new students. The first is Norman, who is almost eight feet tall and appears to be constructed of bolts and mismatched body parts. Despite his intimidating looks, Esme finds herself strangely -- almost romantically -- drawn to both his oversized brain and oversized heart.
The second new arrival is Zack, an impossibly handsome late transfer from the UK who has the girls at school instantly mesmerized. Soon even sensible Esme has forgotten Norman, and all three sisters are in a flat-out hex war to win Zack. But while the magic is flying, only Norman seems to notice that students who wander off alone with Zack end up with crushed bones and memory loss. Or worse, missing entirely.
Hearts & Other Body Parts is a wickedly addictive novel about love, monsters, and loyalty. And oh yeah, a Japanese corpse-eating demon cat.

I received this book for free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.

Hearts and Other Body Parts is a B-movie of a book. It’s terrible. The characters are flat and stereotypical. They have their roles and they stick to them. All of the characters act in silly ways with simple, poorly defined motivations. The villain is cartoonish and all the adults in town are clueless.

Needless to say, it’s hilarious.

Esme, Katy and Ronnie are sisters and witches. Each of them have different strengths. Esme is the smart one, Ronnie is the pretty one and Katy is best at spells. They live an idyllic life with their father and absent mother. Then Norman Stein moves to town. His full name is Frank N. Stein but he goes by his middle name for obvious reasons. He has a genetic condition that has resulted in many surgeries. He still has the bolts in his neck from the last one. He may look like a monster but he is actually a gentle giant genius. He becomes close with the sisters until Zakary moves to town. Zakary’s pale complexion and irresistible nature has all the girls chasing him. You can guess what happens next.

Esme and Norm are perfect together and Ronnie and Katy are just a mess. Zack was a perfect caricature of evil; all smile and no substance. Despite being predictable, this book was a great read. It’s fast and silly and fun. You want to read this after something heavy when you need a book that doesn’t take itself seriously. 

This is for fans of Sharknado and other terrible movies. If you love laughing at ridiculousness, this book is for you.

About the Author

I grew up in Annapolis Maryland. My mother is an artist and my father was a judge on the Maryland Court of Special Appeals.

I studied English Literature at the University of Maryland, College Park. I also have some background in Eastern religions. After college I moved to Japan, where I taught ESL. I married a beautiful Japanese woman named Yasuko, moved to LA and taught junior high school English, ESL, and Japanese for the Los Angeles Unified School district. I am conversational in Japanese, but by no means consider myself fluent. After serving my debt to society in LA Unified, I went into the fashion business with my wife, who is a very talented fashion designer and is likely to read this, so I can’t say enough good things about her. We eventually branched into the vintage kimono business. I probably know more about Japanese textiles than any straight white man you’re likely to encounter. I’ve been writing humor for FUNNY TIMES since 2010. I currently live in West Sonoma County with my family and an assortment of furry beasts.

Website | Twitter | Facebook | Goodreads

Follow the Tour

Week One

3/20/2017- Adventures of a Book Junkie– Interview
3/21/2017- Here’s to Happy Endings– Review
3/22/2017- BookHounds YA– Guest Post
3/23/2017- YA Books Central– Review
3/24/2017- Tales of the Ravenous Reader– Interview

Week Two

3/27/2017- Beauty and the Bookshelf– Review
3/28/2017- Novel Novice– Guest Post
3/29/2017- Eli to the nth– Review
3/30/2017- The Cover Contessa– Interview
3/31/2017- Emily Reads Everything– Review

Giveaway

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3 winners will receive a finished copy of HEARTS & OTHER BODY PARTS, US Only.

 

four-stars

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#IndieMas 2016 Day Ten

Posted December 14, 2016 by Emily in Awesome Indie, Events and Features, Giveaway / 2 Comments

indiemas

Author S. Usher Evans created #IndieMas as a way to celebrate her favorite Indie authors.

On the tenth day of #IndieMas my author gave to me

Humorous Romance
Diverse Sci Fi
Fate Interfering
Music and Fairy Tales

Three Books Today

Favorite Fantasies

Thrills and Romance,

Pulse Pounding Action,
 Two Adventures,
And Sci Fi and Fantasy

.

#IndieMas 2016 Day TenBirth of an American Gigolo by Deek Rhew
Published by Tenacious Books on January 1st 1970
Genres: humor
Pages: 114
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An old party girl shoehorned into domestic divaship, infuriated by her husband's cheating and his holier-than-thou, tree-hugging, no-tits and no-hips girlfriend, inflicts her wrath by training a local boy in the fine art of seduction. She and her new boy toy turned love god start a gigolo business as a distraction for the neglected and mistreated housewives of Alabaster Cove.
If you've even been betrayed.If you've ever been cheated.If you've ever wanted to serve up a can of whoopass on someone that desperately deserved it but never got the chance...
It's time for you to get the revenge you so truly deserve.
Author's DisclaimerThe most common perception when folks read the description is that this is an erotic novel. Um nope. Nada. No, sir and no, ma'am.
This book is NOT about sex. There is a little of course, because, well, it's about an angry and betrayed party girl and her boy toy. But if you're looking for long descriptions of people's kibbles and bits and how they sizzle and sauté them into a goulash of passion and uninhibited fornication, then you'd better look for a different blend of Chex Mix, cause, brother, this ain't it.
So, Mr. Smartypants Author, what is it actually about then?This is about getting justice. Those that wrong, hurt, lie, cheat, disrespect, and abuse, far-too-often walk away completely unscathed from the pain they've caused and the havoc they've wreaked.
Time to give little bit of that injustice back, wrapped in a pretty box with a bow on top.
Join Lindsey as she gets revenge in the most delicious way possible--with a dash of humor, a splash of sarcasm, and a whole lot of moxy. Let's open up a can of whoopass on someone who desperately deserves it.

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#IndieMas 2016 Day TenYou Are Mine by Janeal Falor
Series: Mine #1
Published by Chardonian Press on May 6th 2013
Genres: Fantasy, romance
Pages: 370
Buy on Amazon
Goodreads

Serena knows a few simple things. She will always be owned by a warlock. She will never have freedom. She will always do what her warlock wishes, regardless of how inane, frivolous, or cruel it is. And if she doesn’t follow the rules, she will be tarnished. Spelled to be bald, inked, and barren for the rest of her life—worth less than the shadow she casts.
Then her ownership is won by a barbarian from another country. With the uncertainty that comes from belonging to a new warlock, Serena questions if being tarnished is really worse than being owned by a barbarian, and tempts fate by breaking the rules. When he looks the other way instead of punishing her, she discovers a new world. The more she ventures into the forbidden, the more she learns of love and a freedom just out of reach. Serena longs for both. But in a society where women are only ever property, hoping for more could be deadly.

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IB Tour: Roald Dahl’s 100th Birthday

IB Tour: Roald Dahl’s 100th Birthday

Danny The Champion Of The World by Roald Dahl, Quentin Blake Published by Penguin Books on August 16. 2007 Genres: Middle Grade, humor Pages: 224 Format: Paperback Source: Free for Review Buy on Amazon Goodreads Danny has a life any boy would love—his home is a gypsy caravan, he’s the youngest master car mechanic around, and his best friend is his dad, who never runs out of wonderful stories to tell. But one night Danny discovers a shocking secret that his father has kept hidden for years. Soon Danny finds himself the mastermind behind the most incredible plot ever attempted against nasty Victor Hazell, a wealthy landowner with a bad attitude. Can they pull it off? If so, Danny will truly be the champion of the world Many times, revisiting childhood loves can be disappointing. You build up a memory in your mind so much that when you actually experience it again, the memory of the experience is better than whatever the experience was. This book has been a treasured memory forever. I had a slight concern that reading this again as an adult would make me sad. I love Roald Dahl and I want to celebrate him but I didn’t want to sour another piece of my childhood. Reading the book again made me remember how much I loved the story. Danny’s relationship with his father reminds me of my own […]

Posted September 25, 2016 by Emily in Blog Tour, Review / 0 Comments
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